Reuben sitting on tree stump

Know That You Weren’t Left Behind.

11th September 2017

My Sweet Boy,

The last few months have been so difficult for you to understand. I know they have. I’ve seen you sad, you’ve told me that you don’t want to go to preschool. I left you to it, not because I didn’t care please don’t think that, but because I assumed it was down to me going back to work and a slight change in routine. I’m sorry I didn’t think.

You see, you’ve always been so grown up and sometimes I forget that you’re only three. You’ve always been older than your years but the one thing that you’ve always struggled with is talking about how you feel. You’re like me in that respect. I need to remember that I have to ask the questions to get you to open up.

I don’t think I will forget the day the ‘penny dropped’. You had been talking about school on and off but nothing out of the ordinary considering how many people you know go to school. But this particular day, we had just arrived at the preschool and the graduation gowns were going in. I turned to you and explained how your friends were going to be having their photos taken as they were leaving school but you wouldn’t be as you weren’t leaving. Assuming you would be fine, I was not prepared for you to say those words. “I don’t want to go to preschool Mummy”. In that one sentence you completely opened up to me. You didn’t realise you had and I felt terrible that I hadn’t realised sooner. The nursery had been preparing the class, your friends, for school but you wouldn’t be going.

It was the thought of being left behind that was making you sad.

I spoke to your key worker, she was amazing. She made plans to help you understand the changes that were happening. Arranged for you to meet the children that were going to come up with you. You relaxed, you were happier, you were you.

It must have been so confusing for you, you had been with your friends since you were one, each room change you went together. You were always together. They were your best friends. Then they were going to leave and you weren’t, all because your birthday is October, six weeks earlier and you would be going as well my darling but that can’t be helped.

The day came when they all left and I thought you would find it hard but you were fine.

Some of your friends stayed over the summer and this made you happy. It worried me that this would confuse you but you took it all in your stride. I know that the staff at the nursery played a massive part in this especially your key worker.

Now they have all left and last week was your first week back with the new children. I was worried, really worried. So much was changing this week; new children in the room, a change of staff and a new key worker. But you didn’t worry, you were excited about returning. You seemed a little nervous when we first got there but that afternoon you came home full of excitement telling me all about your new friends. You were even more happy the next day when you saw the other little boy who had stayed this year.

I worry, of course I do I’m your mum, it’s my job. I will always worry but for now my sweet little boy this is one thing I no longer have to worry about because I know that you’re happy.

You know you was not left behind. Your time will come.

JakiJellz

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