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Share Your Story; Not So Mommy

9th October 2018

Welcome back to the “Share Your Story” series. It has been sometime since the last story we shared and so we have some catching up to do. In case you missed my last post, I have recently moved and we was without internet- complete nightmare. Anyway, we are back and so are the stories of some amazing people. I will be posting more stories a week to catch up with the schedule that I have, means you get two a week for the next couple of weeks! Last time Caroline from Caroo Makeup Blog sharing her story on Social Anxiety, a topic that isn’t spoken about often and so raising awareness is so important. Today I have the lovely Brandi from Not So Mommy sharing her story “More Than Childless”, over to you Brandi…

Not So Mommy

Brandi Lytle, founder and owner of Not So Mommy is a wife, dog mom, aunt, host mom, infertile woman living an imperfectly perfect life in South Carolina, USA with her husband, Dane, and fur baby, Maddie.  She is redefining what momhood means to her and strives to focus on the bright sides of being childless, but not childfree.  Her hope is to inspire others to be their authentic selves and discover a Plan B that brings them joy!

Brandi from Not So Mommy

More Than Childless

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom.
As a little girl, I used to carry my Cabbage Patch Kids in a baby carrier strapped to my chest.  And my absolute favourite toy was my doll, Victoria.  I had no doubt that I wanted kids.

Let’s start building our family…

So, three years after getting married, my hubby and I agreed that it was time to start building our family.  And two years after that, we determined that it was time to see an infertility specialist. 

Appointments, surgeries, medicines, and invasive treatments with a doctor and nurse present were certainly not how I had pictured getting pregnant.  But this route seemed to be our only hope to have a biological child, so we tried, and tried, and tried some more.

This isn’t working…

But ten years, seven failed IUI infertility treatments, several adoption meetings, and countless tears later, we still weren’t pregnant.  My hubby told me that he didn’t want to try anymore.  And I was utterly crushed.

But I believe in our marriage vows.  And infertility…  Well, it was the sickness.  It was the bad times.  I was not going to let it ruin my marriage, however.

Accepting my childless life…

So, I decided to embrace my infertility and begin accepting my childless life.  For me, that meant I resolved to “stop trying to obtain the ‘perfect’ life in my head and instead embrace the blessed life that God has given me.”  To do that, I fully embraced my roles as wife and dog mom, deciding that we were already a family of three. 

One year into fully embracing our infertility, we decided to become host parents to a foreign exchange student.  And by the end of our six-month hosting experience, we were a family of four.

And four years into accepting our childless life, I decided to start blogging about our incredible journey, in the hopes of helping someone else who was struggling through infertility and being childless not by choice. 

Connecting…

Through my blog, I have connected with those who are still trying to conceive, those who finally got the little their heart so desired, those who are struggling to accept their childlessness, and those who are ready to move forward in the what is…

As I have connected with this amazing tribe, I’ve come to realize even more that we all simply want empathy for our struggles.  For the childless not by choice, this empathy is wrapped in acceptance.  We so desperately desire an acceptance that you understand…  We really did try everything.  We really did want kids.  We truly didn’t give up on our dreams.  We just had no other choice than to accept that having a little simply wasn’t our path… 

Showing support…

We don’t need anyone to “fix” our “problem.”  We don’t want to feel “less than” because we don’t have kids.  We need you to listen to us and to include us…  We need your support.

I am blessed that even though I am the only one of my best friends who could not have kids, they never made me feel like an outcast.  They have never said, “You don’t understand because…” or “If you had kids, you’d…”  They let me be a part of their children’s lives, who I proudly claim as nieces and nephews.  They embrace my fur baby and our exchange daughter, never questioning my love for “my kids.”  They are the most amazing women…

Realizing we are more than childless…

So, next time you are in a group of people, will you notice if there is a lady (or guy) not joining in the conversation about kids and potty training and school and bedtime routines?  Will you reach out to her, asking about fur babies or nieces and nephews or the latest book she has read?  Will you help her to feel included?  And if she opens her heart and tells you that she can’t have kids, will you accept that and say you’re sorry and show her some support?  As a childless not by choice woman, I’d be ever so grateful if you would…

Thank you Brandi for sharing your story. Some realisation into what it is like to go through infertility. I’m glad you have such supportive friends.

If you would like to follow Brandi then head over to her blog.

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