Welcome back to another week of the “Share Your Story” series. Last week we had Lizzie from Go Effy Yourself sharing her story about her feelings following the loss of loved ones and mental health. The importance of being kind to yourself. This week I have ‘A’ from Like a Galaxy Girl sharing her story.
*Trigger warning, this story is about being sexually assaulted*
Like A Galaxy Girl
Hi, my name is A and I was sexually assaulted. It happened when I was fourteen. It was my best friends brother who did this to me. I’m not going to go into the ins and out of what he did to me. I don’t think I am ready to share that and I don’t think it would be something that anyone would want to read. Just know that what he did was wrong, so very wrong.
He was in his twenties and I had turned fourteen just a week before this happened. I have since spent four nearly five years dealing with this. As soon as this happened I went home crying, more than crying, I was in an absolute state. I told my mum straight away what had happened. I was in complete shock, I didn’t quite understand it. She did what any normal mum would do, she rang the police. I had to make a statement, give swabs, give them my clothes that I was wearing, finger prints and under the nail scrapings. I wont lie, it was scary. A fourteen year old having to go through all of this while trying to wrap their head around what had happened was not easy.
This wasn’t a quick and easy processes, I won’t lie to you, it went on for a while. I had to go to a special safe house unit and do a recording of what had happened, I had to give over my phone so they could search through it. My mum and my friends were questioned and had to make statements. When they arrested him and questioned him, all he could say was “no comment”. He couldn’t admit what he did to me.
We took this to court, he had a trail and was found guilty. Did I feel any relief? No I didn’t. Before he was found guilty they tried everything they could to say he had problems. The judge didn’t believe it, nor did anyone else. He still denied it, he still couldn’t face up to the fact that he had assaulted me, that he had ruined me. He was sentenced, put on the sex offenders register and removed from his job. If he ever had children, social services would have to get involved. I felt so guilty, I hadn’t done anything wrong yet I felt sorry for him. I shouldn’t have done.
At school I was bullied a lot because of it. I was told that I made it up even though I had evidence to prove that I was telling the truth, I was told that I deserved it, that I asked for it. I began self harming, it was really bad. I felt so lost and alone and I couldn’t think of another way out. My doctors referred me to a system called CAHMS. They are the worst councillors I have ever come across. I had 3 different people because they would just leave without letting me know. They didn’t pass my notes on so I was forced to tell them what I had been through, in detail. I left my sessions feeling worse than ever, they didn’t help me, they just made me relive what I wanted to get rid off.
Four years ago I would have ended my life, but here I am at eighteen, nearly nineteen doing amazing things. I have a blog, two actually but I stopped using one after I found it was time to grow up. I have an amazing job, I work in a care home for the elderly, I love every second there and I plan on becoming a carer soon. I smashed all of my GCSE’s and best of all, I have the best support system.
My family, especially my mum has been my rock through these past years. Every up and down, she has been by my side to get me through it all. Even now, I still get days where I am too scared to go out by myself just incase I see him. I still refuse to walk past where it happened and he is still I the back of my mind. I don’t think that will ever go away, I think those are the psychological scars that he left.
I wanted to share a glimpse of my story to let anyone and everyone know that it’s okay to speak up, it’s okay to get justice. You should never feel ashamed. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t ask for it, you didn’t offer yourself out and you didn’t deserve it. You need to speak to someone, you can’t hold this in and think you’ll beat this on your own. By speaking up against them, you could potentially be saving someone else. If you can’t speak to a friend or a family member, you can message me. You will always remain anonymous, I’ll never do anything that you aren’t comfortable with. I have set up a twitter account called @talktomeitssafe where anyone can message me. I am a survivor and together we will make it through.
(If you are having suicidal thoughts and/or you are thinking of harming yourself please contact the Samaritans on 116 123 for the UK. It is completely free and available day or night, 24/7, 365 days a year.)
I hope together, we can bring you the support you deserve.
Thanks A for sharing your story. It must have been an awful experience and difficult to write about so honestly. It’s very brave of you and a wonderful thing that you are doing to support other people going through a similar experience.
A didn’t wish to promote her social media pages, only her Twitter, so do pop over and say Hi!